Neil Armstrong Leaves Fortune on Moon

by Charlie, Marisol, Shaylem & Alex It was recently discovered that the famous astronaut Neil Armstrong left a fortune on the moon on his initial visit there in 1969. Elon Musk discovered it when he found a big treasure chest just sort of sitting there on the dark side of the moon. We all know […]

Satanic Summoning Gone Right…?

by Charlie, Marisol, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex Earlier today some young hoodlums took part in a satanic summoning. The illegal actions of these people are truly preposterous. The Parks Department stumbled upon the group. At first they just thought they were dumb children pretending to summon people, but then when they saw Billy Graham appear […]

A Big Misunderstanding

by Charlie, Marisol, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex The so-called “Pro Trump protests” on Capitol Hill on Wednesday were all a big misunderstanding. There was in fact organizing, but the organizing was for a big Pokemon Go meetup. The meetup was organized by Qanon after hearing that there was a special location in Capitol Hill to […]

New Inflow of Tiny Tot Workers

by Charlie, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex Yesterday’s decision by the Department of Education to shut down schools in New York City turned out to not be about the Coronavirus, at least not what we thought. Contrary to popular belief, the Coronavirus was not the sole cause of schools shutting down. Our investigative reporters discovered that […]

GOP Counts on Count

by Charlie, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex The GOP (Grumpy Old Politicians) weren’t convinced of the results of the election, and decided to hire one of the best counters out there, THE Count Von Count. We interviewed the Count on his progress of counting the election, and his response was, “One! Two! Three! Ha ha ha!” […]

Trick or Tweet

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex Donald Trump announced today over Twitter that he would be handing out something special for Halloween. That got the hopes up of many American children, but they would soon come to realize that it was not what it seemed. Instead of candy, this Halloween, Donald Trump is handing out something […]

Mortimer Sackler Takes a Penny

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex Mortimer Sackler, co-owner of Purdue Pharma was arrested last night for the alleged robbery of seven bodegas in the Park Slope neighborhood of Brooklyn. Sally, a forty-two year old cashier who works at the local Delicious Organic Yumminess corner store told reporters, “That Sackler guy keeps coming into Organic Yumminess […]