by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex
Modern technology is flawed. Modern thinking is flawed. Modern ideas are flawed. We need to go back to a simpler way of thinking. Politicians screw up, behead them. The guillotine should be reinstated as the most effective method of execution. And as a bonus, it can be used to slice bread and is run on green energy. It is also popular because it is retro, hipsters are now taking a liking to it! And we all know that the hipsters are the best executioners.
We picked up where we left off last week, which was not looking very good for the adventurers. Shaylem was floating down stream clutching onto a wooden crate (hoping it held gold until he realized it would not float if it did!) Charlie is alone battling a mimic in the hull of the boat as it is sinking and burning. The rest of the party is on land, battling humans and the Yuan-Ti who were coming off the boat due to the fire.
by Charlie, Oliver, Shaylem & Alex
Vladamir Poopin was rushed to the hospital Sunday night with a painful itch on hiney. Doctors suspect poison ivy, but he got this only by sitting on his toilet. So who sabotaged his toilet and why?
The party went into the farm house to hide from the militia. As they were eating dinner, the head elf they rescued pulled out a map (see below) that was handed to him in prison and told the rest about it. Apparently orcs from the Pomarj were docked in the port of Two Ford. Rumor has it the hull was filled with gold to bribe the city of Greyhawk for safe passage up the Selintan River. The plan was to take a long rest at the farm house and in the morning to go try to steal the boat, steal the gold, or sink the boat.
by Charlie, Manuela, Marisol, Oliver, Shaylem Zoe & Alex
It started on one Saturday evening. Hub was eating a big bowl of spaghetti on a bench at the park (it was spaghettios, actually). The Flying Spaghetti Monster flew up to Hub and said, “Hey, what the hell are you doing?”
Hub replied, “Eating spaghetti.”
“You’re eating my children! You don’t see me eating bubbles, do you?!”
“Well, suck, I’m hungry.”
The party decided to have Shaylem and Oof Duh sneak into the courthouse to watch the trial of the elves. Within fifteen minutes it became clear that the trial was rigged and the four elves, including the leader of the hideout were sentenced to death. They were to be hung in the town square outside the jail and courthouse that afternoon.
by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex, Illustration by Oliver
Recent studies have shown that sitting on people has negative implications on said people’s health. In a recent study, doctors had people sit on somebody else for six months straight. The sittees caught Sitting Person Virus Disease (SPVD) after a mere minute. SPVD creates an urge to continually sit on people and gives you painful flatulence (which is that much worse for the people you are sitting on). SPVD is cured by not sitting on people, you dolts.
Today the party loaded up the wagon with all of the weapons, armor, and supplies from the mansion. They tried using the Sending Stone Oof Duh (the dragonborn spy who was known ad “Luz”) had to talk with the elves back at the hideout to tell them they were coming, but they got no response. The party, including Oof Duh and the six elves saved from the prison walked behind the wagon while Oliver drove it (since he has animal handling proficiency). They went down the trade road and at an intersection came across two humans on a wagon. Oliver used his persuasion to convince them that he was bringing the elves to the town jail.
Here are a few simple steps on how to write a letter; (more…)
by Charlie, Marisol, Oliver, Shaye, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex
The party led their prisoner goblin through a secret passageway in the pantry toward the supposed prison in the basement. At the foot of the stairs was a trap door leading to a pit with spikes and venemous snakes. Shaylem was able to climb across safely to the other side and throw a rope across to Harlan and Oscar. Oliver stayed on the other side to guard the goblin and Charlie (NPCed) stayed up in the kitchen as a look out.
by Shaylem and Alex