Apple Gazette

by Charlie, James, Oliver, Shaylem, Zoe and Alex In the Grand Dining Room of the White House Thursday, President Donald Trump had a meeting with his good friend, Monkey. The President and Monkey were having a heated discussion about the new monkey preserve set to be unveiled in early November in Prospect Park, New York. […]

by Charlie Is the Coronavirus actually Rat Worm Lung Disease? And has the Coronavirus been rampant since the year of 2017? Technically it is Covid-17?

Our sources tell us that 99% of the reasons monkeys are going extinct is because of rice pudding consumption. Researcher Robert LeRoy went to the College for Rice Pudding© (CRP) in Denver, Illinois. He was born in Nascar, Kentucky and shined shoes for a living and found traces of monkey extract in the monkey gunk […]

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex Modern technology is flawed. Modern thinking is flawed. Modern ideas are flawed. We need to go back to a simpler way of thinking. Politicians screw up, behead them. The guillotine should be reinstated as the most effective method of execution. And as a bonus, it can be used to slice […]

by Charlie, Oliver, Shaylem & Alex Vladamir Poopin was rushed to the hospital Sunday night with a painful itch on hiney. Doctors suspect poison ivy, but he got this only by sitting on his toilet. So who sabotaged his toilet and why?

by Charlie, Manuela, Marisol, Oliver, Shaylem Zoe & Alex It started on one Saturday evening. Hub was eating a big bowl of spaghetti on a bench at the park (it was spaghettios, actually). The Flying Spaghetti Monster flew up to Hub and said, “Hey, what the hell are you doing?” Hub replied, “Eating spaghetti.” “You’re […]

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex, Illustration by Oliver Recent studies have shown that sitting on people has negative implications on said people’s health. In a recent study, doctors had people sit on somebody else for six months straight. The sittees caught Sitting Person Virus Disease (SPVD) after a mere minute. SPVD creates an urge to […]

By Shaye Here are a few simple steps on how to write a letter;

by Charlie, Marisol, Oliver, Shaye, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex

by Shaylem and Alex

By Zoe, Charlie, Shaylem, and Alex “You don’t what living is until you’ve seen a schmocyoument. It’s very enlightening seeing one. They are glowing, you know.” –anonymous

By Zoe, Charlie, Shaylem, and Alex There once was a pineapple. An ancient elder power of the gnomes. No wait, he was pickled first, everyone knows that. It’s common knowledge. Does that mean he’s cursed to never be ripe? He was accidentally dropped into a pickle jar, and the owner of these pickles decided, “Eh […]