Apple Gazette

by Charlie, Marisol, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex Earlier today some young hoodlums took part in a satanic summoning. The illegal actions of these people are truly preposterous. The Parks Department stumbled upon the group. At first they just thought they were dumb children pretending to summon people, but then when they saw Billy Graham appear […]

by Charlie, Marisol, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex The so-called “Pro Trump protests” on Capitol Hill on Wednesday were all a big misunderstanding. There was in fact organizing, but the organizing was for a big Pokemon Go meetup. The meetup was organized by Qanon after hearing that there was a special location in Capitol Hill to […]

Brooklyn Flying Squader Malachy (aka Auntie Malware) wrote and recorded his own tune, “Turn on the Lights.” Check it out!

Scientists have been wondering for a millennia now, “What does my poop think?” And now we finally have the answer in this EXCLUSIVE interview… with the Poop in Your Toilet:

by Charlie, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex Yesterday’s decision by the Department of Education to shut down schools in New York City turned out to not be about the Coronavirus, at least not what we thought. Contrary to popular belief, the Coronavirus was not the sole cause of schools shutting down. Our investigative reporters discovered that […]

by Charlie, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex The GOP (Grumpy Old Politicians) weren’t convinced of the results of the election, and decided to hire one of the best counters out there, THE Count Von Count. We interviewed the Count on his progress of counting the election, and his response was, “One! Two! Three! Ha ha ha!” […]

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex Donald Trump announced today over Twitter that he would be handing out something special for Halloween. That got the hopes up of many American children, but they would soon come to realize that it was not what it seemed. Instead of candy, this Halloween, Donald Trump is handing out something […]

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex Mortimer Sackler, co-owner of Purdue Pharma was arrested last night for the alleged robbery of seven bodegas in the Park Slope neighborhood of Brooklyn. Sally, a forty-two year old cashier who works at the local Delicious Organic Yumminess corner store told reporters, “That Sackler guy keeps coming into Organic Yumminess […]

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex On a bright Thursday morning, the Brooklyn Flying Squad took a tour of President Donald Trump’s childhood home. The homeschoolers were surprised to find out that Trump’s childhood home was actually a hole in the ground– quite literally. It was under a little bit of rubble, but they were able […]

By Charlie, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex Wednesday night there was a debate between the two candidates for Vice Presidency. One of the two debaters, vice presidential candidate Kamala Harris revealed that President Trump does not have the Coronavirus. He actually has the infamous Rat Worm Lung Disease, which is caught by licking snails. Does he […]

by Charlie, Oliver, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex At Tuesday night’s Presidential Debate, Donald Trump told the Proud Girls to, “Get up and boogie down.” The infamous hate group who attack Christmas carolers took this as a clear signal to start protesting in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn. Early Thursday morning hundreds of young women armed with clubs […]

by Charlie, James, Oliver, Shaylem, Zoe and Alex In the Grand Dining Room of the White House Thursday, President Donald Trump had a meeting with his good friend, Monkey. The President and Monkey were having a heated discussion about the new monkey preserve set to be unveiled in early November in Prospect Park, New York. […]