Child Starts Satan Worshipping Cult in Prospect Park

by Charlie, Marisol, Shaylem & Alex Today one of our journalists was captured by a Satan worshipping cult in Prospect Park called the Brooklyn Apple Academy. Through a hidden microphone our journalist described the cult as a truly terrifying clan of troglodytes. They had upside down crosses, they used rocks as currency, and they were […]

Hoop Skirts to Enforce Social Distancing

by Bea, Charlie, Marisol, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex (and no help from Manuela) Hoop skirt mandates have been enforced in the New York City subway. Hoop skirts are very wide, and because of this they are perfect for enforcing social distancing. The MTA was frustrated when people wore their masks below their noses, which is […]

HUB DAY: The Day of the Bubble

Today was the holy day of Hubbists. Hubbism is the belief that the world was created by Hub the bubble. All believers congregated in Prospect Park by the picnic house and rejoiced with bubble gum, donuts, and pink lemonade.

Neil Armstrong Leaves Fortune on Moon

by Charlie, Marisol, Shaylem & Alex It was recently discovered that the famous astronaut Neil Armstrong left a fortune on the moon on his initial visit there in 1969. Elon Musk discovered it when he found a big treasure chest just sort of sitting there on the dark side of the moon. We all know […]

Satanic Summoning Gone Right…?

by Charlie, Marisol, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex Earlier today some young hoodlums took part in a satanic summoning. The illegal actions of these people are truly preposterous. The Parks Department stumbled upon the group. At first they just thought they were dumb children pretending to summon people, but then when they saw Billy Graham appear […]