New Inflow of Tiny Tot Workers

by Charlie, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex Yesterday’s decision by the Department of Education to shut down schools in New York City turned out to not be about the Coronavirus, at least not what we thought. Contrary to popular belief, the Coronavirus was not the sole cause of schools shutting down. Our investigative reporters discovered that […]

GOP Counts on Count

by Charlie, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex The GOP (Grumpy Old Politicians) weren’t convinced of the results of the election, and decided to hire one of the best counters out there, THE Count Von Count. We interviewed the Count on his progress of counting the election, and his response was, “One! Two! Three! Ha ha ha!” […]

Trick or Tweet

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex Donald Trump announced today over Twitter that he would be handing out something special for Halloween. That got the hopes up of many American children, but they would soon come to realize that it was not what it seemed. Instead of candy, this Halloween, Donald Trump is handing out something […]

Mortimer Sackler Takes a Penny

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex Mortimer Sackler, co-owner of Purdue Pharma was arrested last night for the alleged robbery of seven bodegas in the Park Slope neighborhood of Brooklyn. Sally, a forty-two year old cashier who works at the local Delicious Organic Yumminess corner store told reporters, “That Sackler guy keeps coming into Organic Yumminess […]

Homeschoolers Visit Trump’s Childhood Home

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex On a bright Thursday morning, the Brooklyn Flying Squad took a tour of President Donald Trump’s childhood home. The homeschoolers were surprised to find out that Trump’s childhood home was actually a hole in the ground– quite literally. It was under a little bit of rubble, but they were able […]

Exposed: Rat Worm Lung Disease

By Charlie, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex Wednesday night there was a debate between the two candidates for Vice Presidency. One of the two debaters, vice presidential candidate Kamala Harris revealed that President Trump does not have the Coronavirus. He actually has the infamous Rat Worm Lung Disease, which is caught by licking snails. Does he […]

Proud Girls Demonstrate in Brooklyn

by Charlie, Oliver, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex At Tuesday night’s Presidential Debate, Donald Trump told the Proud Girls to, “Get up and boogie down.” The infamous hate group who attack Christmas carolers took this as a clear signal to start protesting in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn. Early Thursday morning hundreds of young women armed with clubs […]

Trump Won’t Peacefully Commit to Sharing Pudding with Monkey

by Charlie, James, Oliver, Shaylem, Zoe and Alex In the Grand Dining Room of the White House Thursday, President Donald Trump had a meeting with his good friend, Monkey. The President and Monkey were having a heated discussion about the new monkey preserve set to be unveiled in early November in Prospect Park, New York. […]

Rice Pudding Found to have Monkeys in it!? Read all About it!

Our sources tell us that 99% of the reasons monkeys are going extinct is because of rice pudding consumption. Researcher Robert LeRoy went to the College for Rice Pudding© (CRP) in Denver, Illinois. He was born in Nascar, Kentucky and shined shoes for a living and found traces of monkey extract in the monkey gunk […]

The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex Modern technology is flawed. Modern thinking is flawed. Modern ideas are flawed. We need to go back to a simpler way of thinking. Politicians screw up, behead them. The guillotine should be reinstated as the most effective method of execution. And as a bonus, it can be used to slice […]

Vladamir Poopin: Painful Itch

by Charlie, Oliver, Shaylem & Alex Vladamir Poopin was rushed to the hospital Sunday night with a painful itch on hiney. Doctors suspect poison ivy, but he got this only by sitting on his toilet. So who sabotaged his toilet and why?