Windex Good, Sitting on People Bad

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex, Illustration by Oliver Recent studies have shown that sitting on people has negative implications on said people’s health. In a recent study, doctors had people sit on somebody else for six months straight. The sittees caught Sitting Person Virus Disease (SPVD) after a mere minute. SPVD creates an urge to […]

Pineapple Gnome, A Brief History

By Zoe, Charlie, Shaylem, and Alex There once was a pineapple. An ancient elder power of the gnomes. No wait, he was pickled first, everyone knows that. It’s common knowledge. Does that mean he’s cursed to never be ripe? He was accidentally dropped into a pickle jar, and the owner of these pickles decided, “Eh […]

The Real Reason We’re in Quarantine

by Jerebald The Coronavirus is just a cover up. The real reason the government has us all quarantining is because aliens really exist. These aliens were discovered near the end of 2019, and the discovery was not made available to the general public.