Author Archives: Apple Gazette

by Manuela, Zoe, Charlie, Shaylem & Alex You have heard of Big Sexy Hair. But have you heard of Gargantuan Sexy Hair?

by Charlie and Shaylem We have some very bad news; Thursday, April 22 the Brooklyn Flying Squad was permanently shut down. Security at Barnes and Nobles caught Charlie, a member of our Flying Squad, writing graffiti on the walls of the bathroom. Charlie revealed that this was a dollar dare that Alex, our adult facilitator […]

The Apple Gazette wants to help you find your future career:

The March Har-Har-ascopes. We’ve got some really good news from the stars for you… sucker.

by Charlie, Marisol, Shaylem & Alex Today one of our journalists was captured by a Satan worshipping cult in Prospect Park called the Brooklyn Apple Academy. Through a hidden microphone our journalist described the cult as a truly terrifying clan of troglodytes. They had upside down crosses, they used rocks as currency, and they were […]

by Bea, Charlie, Marisol, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex (and no help from Manuela) Hoop skirt mandates have been enforced in the New York City subway. Hoop skirts are very wide, and because of this they are perfect for enforcing social distancing. The MTA was frustrated when people wore their masks below their noses, which is […]

Today was the holy day of Hubbists. Hubbism is the belief that the world was created by Hub the bubble. All believers congregated in Prospect Park by the picnic house and rejoiced with bubble gum, donuts, and pink lemonade.

The 11.5 Commandments + 1 + 1 of Hubbism by Charlie, Manuela, Shaylem & Alex

by Charlie, Shaylem, Manuela’s bloody tooth, Marisol (maybe?) & Alex Imagine the most elegant facemask for the summer– not just for your face but for all of your beach clothing requirements too.

by Charlie, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex A guy walks into a bar. He dies. Nobody cries. This will rhyme, you guys. We interrupt this article to bring you this ad:

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex We are writing about Shaylem the Smurf and Charlie the Nun, of course.

by Charlie, Marisol, Shaylem & Alex It was recently discovered that the famous astronaut Neil Armstrong left a fortune on the moon on his initial visit there in 1969. Elon Musk discovered it when he found a big treasure chest just sort of sitting there on the dark side of the moon. We all know […]