Child Starts Satan Worshipping Cult in Prospect Park

by Charlie, Marisol, Shaylem & Alex

Today one of our journalists was captured by a Satan worshipping cult in Prospect Park called the Brooklyn Apple Academy. Through a hidden microphone our journalist described the cult as a truly terrifying clan of troglodytes. They had upside down crosses, they used rocks as currency, and they were using primitive plumbing supply weapons.

These troglodytes threatened to sacrifice our journalist if he didn’t join the cult. And so, henceforth our journalist is going to be referred to as a Satan Worshipping Troglodyte (SWT for short). They are very dangerous and should be feared. Use great caution when traversing the park because troglodytes could come for you.

The SWT (our journalist) was then taken to the induction chamber where they induct new members into the cult of cultyness. He was inducted into the cult, which involved a process of removing one’s own nipples. Ouch.