by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex, Illustration by Oliver
Recent studies have shown that sitting on people has negative implications on said people’s health. In a recent study, doctors had people sit on somebody else for six months straight. The sittees caught Sitting Person Virus Disease (SPVD) after a mere minute. SPVD creates an urge to continually sit on people and gives you painful flatulence (which is that much worse for the people you are sitting on). SPVD is cured by not sitting on people, you dolts.
Windex prevents people from Coronavirus Virusing Disorder (CVD). Drinking it has positive results such as: spasming, non-belief of Hub, irregular urges to dance, and chunky diarrhea. Scientists studied this for fifteen minutes and are convinced that it is true. Since this news came out, orders for Windex have been back ordered, and so, bleach as suggested by the Coronaviruses older brother earlier in the year, can be used as a supplement to Windex.