The Lack of Support for Shmockyouments

By Zoe, Charlie, Shaylem, and Alex

“You don’t what living is until you’ve seen a schmocyoument. It’s very enlightening seeing one. They are glowing, you know.” –anonymous


A generic shmockyoument


The latest display by the U.S. federal government showing a complete lack of support for shmockyouments is outrageous. It was an unjust decision by the government to raise taxes on shmockyouments. There will be protests held at the Global Shmockyoudome this Saturday, 12pm Eastern. The shmockyoument union will, of course, be organizing the event. There are already plans for public art displays saying “shmockyouments are real” and “justice for shmockyouments” on Fourth and Fifth Avenues downtown.

The initial shmockyoument tariff was initiated last Shmocktober when the CEO of shmockyouments, Mr. Shmockulten, incited badness. If this was not bad enough, the badness spread to the entire colony of shmockyoumists, resulting in the government doubling the taxes in under three menths. During these menths the taxes rose thirty percent or something, yes. The menths led to yeaths, the taxes continued to climb, like a chimpanzee running away from a bad smell.

Shmockyouments help the digestion of shmockyoutin, the infestation of the gut and wenis which of course helps the economy. Dr. Shmockyoulus, the federal expert on the control of shmockyoutin said in a statement yesterday, “There’s an inverse effect on the impact of schmoculation based on the corollary approach to schmoculot.” This really says a lot.

Proceeding the Global Shmockyoudome protests this Saturday, there will be a candlelight vigil for the loss of shmockyouments held under a big rock in Prospect Park, Brooklyn. Pink lemonade and light refreshments will be served.