Hubbism, The New Fad! Apple Gazette: November 2019 Issue

by Charlie

A new religion is being practiced at the Apple Academy, and it’s Hubbism! Praise the Holy Bubble. Hubbists believe that the universe was created by Hub* the God of Bubbles. When Hub had the Great Fart**, some of his bubbles popped. This caused the universe (for one reason or another…) Then Hub sent his son, Flubberbutt Bill down to earth. Flubberbutt Bill then created life. And now for some interviews:

Charlie: Hi. So what is Hubbism?
Oliver: Hubbism is a religion that has been here for eons. I am the priest of Hubbism. Me, my brother, and father have been Hubbists for very long. And we are the original creators of the Bibbley. There was a giant bubble and then it popped and Earth was created along with Hub, and then five years later, Hub had a child named Flubberbutt Bill and that’s the story of how Hub was made.
Charlie: Very, very interesting. So what is the Holy Bibbley?
Oliver: The Holy Bibbley is the story of Hub. But more in the details. It’s the most beautiful book ever created by man and woman.
Charlie: I must read this book. And so, are there any specific traditions or holidays that Hubbists follow?
Oliver: Of course, Hub Day. In place of some people calling it Chrismas, it’s Hub Day. And Hub Day is one of the best days. Everybody wraps up different types of bubbles, bubble machines, book bubbles, bubble swords, huge bubbles and gives them to each other. And whoever gets the best gift gets to meet the priest of Hubbism.
Charlie: How interesting. And what would like the best gift be?
Oliver: A giant bubble blower and a professional bubble maker.
Charlie: I want those already. I think we’re all looking forward to Hub Day.

Charlie: So, what is Hubisim?
Alex: Is the belief in bubbles. It is the oneness of life.
Charlie: What do you have to do to become a Hubbist?
Alex: One needs to be bathed in the holy bath of bubbles to become a Hubbist and to, of course, believe in the Hub.
Charlie: And are there any specific traditions that Hubbists follow?
Alex: One must Sharpie “Hub” on their wrist on Halloween every year.
Charlie: Interesting. And what is the Holy Bibbley?
Alex: It is the the holy word of the Hub. And of course, was passed down through their son, Flubberbutt Bill. It is our recipe for living a bubbly life.
Charlie: Thank you. Deeply moving. Thanks. * also known as Hububbubabubabubabubaba. ** some people call it the Big Bang, but we all know it was Hub farting.