Hub Adventures October 23, 2020

The party walked up the slope of the stream after having defeated the harpies. They peered in on the Tumbled tower ahead of them in a clearing. Birds chirped around them and the sun shown down on an ancient tower that is falling apart. About three stories of the tower stood before them. And then floating in the air above stood several more floors of the tower, suspended in midair.
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Categories: D&D

Mortimer Sackler Takes a Penny

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex

Mortimer Sackler, co-owner of Purdue Pharma was arrested last night for the alleged robbery of seven bodegas in the Park Slope neighborhood of Brooklyn. Sally, a forty-two year old cashier who works at the local Delicious Organic Yumminess corner store told reporters, “That Sackler guy keeps coming into Organic Yumminess and stealing from the give a penny, take a penny at my checkout. It’s so petty.”
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Homeschoolers Visit Trump’s Childhood Home

by Charlie, Shaylem & Alex

On a bright Thursday morning, the Brooklyn Flying Squad took a tour of President Donald Trump’s childhood home. The homeschoolers were surprised to find out that Trump’s childhood home was actually a hole in the ground– quite literally. It was under a little bit of rubble, but they were able to dig it out.
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Hub Adventures October 9, 2020

The party spent a long while negotiating with the only town jeweler in Ford keep to get a good price for the thirty opals they found among the pile of dead at the trolls’ campsite. When they could not, they headed to the town stronghold to see if they could sell them there. Inside an elven representative identified the opals as treasure stolen from Ford Keep and asked for them back. All but Zombie gave some of the opals back to the town, who thanked them and said they would one day be repaid for their honesty and generosity. Zombie went back to the jeweler and sold most of his opals there.
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Categories: D&D

Exposed: Rat Worm Lung Disease

By Charlie, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex

Wednesday night there was a debate between the two candidates for Vice Presidency. One of the two debaters, vice presidential candidate Kamala Harris revealed that President Trump does not have the Coronavirus. He actually has the infamous Rat Worm Lung Disease, which is caught by licking snails. Does he actually have a snail licking addiction that the public is not aware of? Because if so, the public needs to know. The public needs to be aware if the President is licking snails.
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Proud Girls Demonstrate in Brooklyn

by Charlie, Oliver, Shaylem, Zoe & Alex

At Tuesday night’s Presidential Debate, Donald Trump told the Proud Girls to, “Get up and boogie down.” The infamous hate group who attack Christmas carolers took this as a clear signal to start protesting in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn. Early Thursday morning hundreds of young women armed with clubs made from horse femurs descended upon the neighborhood and gave out free enemas and clubbed the local caroling groups. They gained minus one new members from this protest.
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Hub Adventures September 25, 2020

The adventurers wake up after a painful night of rest (1. on the map) from defeating the Will O’ Wisps and walk across the north side of the stream to the dirt path northward. They walked along the path until they came to a broken down wooden bridge with a deep chasm down to a stream (2. on the map). They used the rope of climbing to lower Chimpo and two of the horses down to the stream when Chimpo heard noises.
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Categories: D&D

Trump Won’t Peacefully Commit to Sharing Pudding with Monkey

by Charlie, James, Oliver, Shaylem, Zoe and Alex

In the Grand Dining Room of the White House Thursday, President Donald Trump had a meeting with his good friend, Monkey. The President and Monkey were having a heated discussion about the new monkey preserve set to be unveiled in early November in Prospect Park, New York. The discussion went well and the monkey preserve was on the path to actuality. Trump even promised portraits of each of his children to adorn the walls of the monkey preserve with genuine autographs by offspring, not fake ones at all.
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Hub Adventures September 18, 2020

The adventurers all woke up  in a field after a terrible night only to realize they were nearly out of rations. And so, they went down to the tower at the bridge to look for food. However, when they got there they discovered that some militia from the crossed snakes were at the tower investigating the murder of the guards from the day before. As they tried to sneak up, their stealthy rogue Chimpo tripped over a root, giving away their location (at 1. on the map).

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Categories: D&D

Rice Pudding Found to have Monkeys in it!? Read all About it!

Our sources tell us that 99% of the reasons monkeys are going extinct is because of rice pudding consumption. Researcher Robert LeRoy went to the College for Rice Pudding© (CRP) in Denver, Illinois. He was born in Nascar, Kentucky and shined shoes for a living and found traces of monkey extract in the monkey gunk pudding, yeah, monkey extract in the, um, rice pudding. He was enraged because his daughter Patricia, Jr. was allergic to monkeys. (more…)

Hub Adventures September 4, 2020

The sorcerer elf that came to visit the adventurers in the plains advised the party to head north out of town to go find an elf stronghold in Ford Keep, a couple of days ride from where they were. He told them that just south of Ford Keep is a small wood where there is a camp of elves who will help them out. He told them they could also go into Ford Keep itself, a small walled village that is sympathetic to the resistance. When the sorcerer departed he invited Oof Duh to join him to train with other sorcerers who are starting a magical army against the Pomarj invasion. And so, the party big Oof Duh and the sorcerer farewell. But before he left, the sorcerer also introduced Tallstag (a character Oliver is running), a female paladin human who would be useful to the party in their next part of the journey.

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Categories: D&D